Bastards and Pancakes
by Kharissa
Summary: When the BTT go out drinking, Romano is left with Canada. Neither of them are pleased with this. Will they bond or will Romano freak Canada out with the glaring? Rated T for swearing and really drunk Spain


"You're going to do WHAT?!"

"Si Lovi! Prussia, France and I are going drinking tonight! And you are going to stay over at Prussia and his boyfriend's house overnight!" The cheery Spaniard smiled at the idea. He read fear and uncertainty in Romano's eyes.

"And what is his motherfucking boyfriend's name?"

"Um... I can't remember. But he's France's kid!"

"PRUSSIA PLUS FRANCE EQUALS EVIL MOTHERFUCKER YOU FUCKING BASTARD!"

Spain hugged his boyfriend and was met with no resistance. He almost felt bad for his fiery Italian. Even he had only heard things from Gilbert about... what's-his-name. But he sounded okay, so the happy-go-lucky man wasn't that worried.

"I hear he's really nice, so you don't have to worry, si? Go pack everything you're going to need, but no beartraps por favour. Prussia wouldn't appreciate that~"

"And why the fuck do I have to pack? I don't even want to go to this bastard's house!"

"Please, Lovi? They even have Italian tomatoes there!"

"THIS FUCKING BASTARD IS TRYING TO LURE ME IN THEN MOLEST ME!"

The chocolate haired nation smiled and walked upstairs and went to their shared room. He grabbed a suitcase and filled it with clothes, books, and a blanket. He carried down the suitcase and a giant tomato pillow. Spain handed these items to a freaking out Lovino.

"Let's go, Lovi!"

Romano had to be practically dragged to the car. The ride there was spent by the Italian screaming bloody murder against the weary spaniard. They got pulled over twice, and both times the cop thought Lovino was getting kidnapped. Which caused him to scream at the cop, and effectively quiet the policemen.

When they got there, the angry Italian refused to get out of the car. Prussia and his boyfriend came out to try and help, but the only way to get Lovino out of the car was to tell him that France was on speed-dial and he was going to come and... 'assist' his bad friends. Romano flew out of the car and hid behind the Prussian. Said Prussian just laughed and stepped away.

"Lovi~ Get your things from the trunk"

"WHY SHOULD I?! YOU USED THE FRANCE TRICK YOU FUCKING BASTARDO!"

"Por favour, Lovi?"

"NO!"

Sighing, the Spaniard got the suitcase and tomato pillow out of the trunk. Prussia's boyfriend opened the door for him. He set the things down in the hallway and walked back into the night air.

"Oi, potato bastard number 2! If your boyfriend tries to rape me you are gonna be eating your dick in a salad!"

"Lovi! Don't use that language!"

Romano crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. Couldn't the bastard see he didn't want to go? Or was he that dense? Begrudgingly, he stepped in the house. But only because it was fucking cold outside. Inside wasn't much better, but he saw a fireplace. Immediately he went to the couch closest to it and sat down, giving the whole house a glare.

Outside, Gilbert and Matthew were saying goodbye. Prussia hugged his boyfriend and smirked.

"Okay Birdie, we are awesomely out of here! Remember you are the second most awesome person on this planet, and Romano can't control his swearing. Tchüss!"

"Si, Gilbert's boyfriend! He swears at me all the time, but it means he loves me! Just feed him tomatoes and he should be okay!"

"Antonio, his name is Canada"

"Oh... okay! Have fun!"

The salt hugged his boyfriend close, kissed his forehead and smiled before getting into the car. Spain walked into the house and tried to hug Lovino, but only succeeded in getting headbutted and cursed at. The brunette chuckled and said goodbye.

As soon as Prussia and Spain were gone, Canada went back into the house. To be honest, he was scared. What if Romano couldn't see him, like most countries? Or what if he did see him, and immediately hated him? He had never gone through this with Prussia, because the albino was the one to talk to him first. The poor Canadian was over thinking things so much, he didn't notice he left the door open.

"Oi, potato bastard number 3! The door's open, krauty kraut!"

"U-um, right!" The blond stammered. He shut the door and walked over to the fireplace."A-are you c-cold, Romano? A-and my name's Canada"

"Hmpf. What's your favourite food?"

"P-pancakes"

"Then yes, pancake bastard, I am fucking cold"

Canada put some logs in the fireplace and started the fire. He sat down in his favourite chair and looked at his guest.

"S-so, what do you want t-to do?"

Romano glared at the blond. He decided that at least the he wasn't stupid like Feliciano and Potato Bastard. He searched around the room for the giant tomato pillow.

"L-looking for this?"

Canada grabbed the huge pillow from the door and offered it to his guest. Romano took it and immediately began glaring at the blond. Matthew got uncomfortable under the Italian's gaze, and looked away after a couple seconds. Oh, how he wished he could hide behind his Prussian right now!

"Oi, pancake bastard!"

"Y-y-yes?"

"You scared of me or something, other wine bastard?"

"I-I don't drink wine... o-or any alcohol. I-I'm a terrible drunk"

"Fascinating, kid. I'm absolutely enthralled by that story"

"Y-you hungry? I h-have tomatoes here from Italy, a-and a few from S-Spain"

"Just put them in a bowl and give them to me, pancake bastard"

Canada ran to the kitchen and got the tomatoes from the fridge. He pulled down the second largest bowl he had and dumped them in there, hoping it would be enough for Romano. He walked back to the living room and gave the bowl to the Italian with shaking hands. He quickly retreated to the kitchen and let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"M-maple... what do I do?" The frightened blond whispered to himself. Maybe he should see if there were any board games his guest liked... but what if he didn't like any board games? Maybe... go skating? But if the swearing was bad now, it probably wouldn't get any better if Romano fell on the ice...

Canada decided to make pancakes to calm his nerves. He grabbed his pancake-making bowl and got to work. Soon, the delicious smell of chocolate-chip pancakes filled the air. The Canadian drowned his food in maple syrup and walked back to the living room, ready to devour his treat. Lovino looked at the fluffy goodness with a confused face.

"The fuck are those?"

"P-pancakes... you w-want a taste?"

"Get me my own, bastardo"

"O-okay"

The blond sighed and went back to the kitchen, leaving his food on his chair. Halfway through cooking the next batch of pancakes, he walked back to see if Romano wanted any maple syrup on his food. Matthew found his pancakes gone from his seat. He looked at Romano, who had finished half of the food already. The Italian sent a glare that didn't have much fire behind it at his host.

"What?"

"N-nothing... you like them?"

"And what if I did, pancake bastard?"

"Then I would make a huge plate for the b-both of us... i-if that's okay, o-of course"

"That's a fucking great idea, bastard!"

Canada smiled and walked back to the kitchen. 15 minutes later, both himself and his guest were sitting on the floor, eating a giant pile of pancakes. Romano had to admit; they were pretty good. So, the bastard knew how to cook. Big deal. Spain knew how to cook... just not like this.

When the plate was done, the Italian decided that this bastard wasn't half-bad. He looked the Canadian over and decided that he wasn't a threat. He was obviously scared out of his mind, but that seemed to be a regular thing with this guy. He was dating potato bastard number 2, right?

"Oi... what's your name?"

"Canada"

"No, I meant human name fucktard!"

"Oh...M-Matthew"

"Okay, now we're fucking getting somewhere! Bastardo, do you have snakes and ladders?"

"Y-yes... you wanna p-play?"

"Well, duh!"

"O-okay, I'll go get it"

"Good... you're still a bastard by the way"

Canada merely smiled and walked up the stairs. It seemed like he was finally making... well, not quite friends, but not enemies either. The blond grabbed the game from his shelf and walked back down the stairs.

And heard Romano screaming at someone.

Matthew was used to hearing screaming. He was brothers with America and lovers with Prussia, after all. But this wasn't the yelling he was accustomed to. This was... almost pleading... what was going on?

"BASTARD NO! S-SPAIN, please... por favour, no!"

Canada set the game down on the stairs and ran over to Romano. He saw tears streaming down the Italian's face, and saw a very distressed and scared look in the amber eyes. He was on the phone with Spain.

"FINE, FUCKING BASTARDO! HAVE IT YOUR WAY, SEE IF I GIVE A FUCK!"

Lovino hung up and threw himself on the couch. Silent sobs violently racked his body as he gripped the pillow for all it was worth. How could the bastard do this!? Spain knew how Romano's trust hung by a thread, no matter who it was.

"R-romano, what happened?"

"F-fuck off..."

Canada had dealt with Prussia for long enough to know those words had no meaning. In fact, they meant the exact opposite. The blond sat on the floor in front of the couch. Romano looked up and gave him a genuinely confused face.

"W-what the fuck are you still doing here? Tomato bastard would've b-been outta here by now"

"M-maybe, but I'm not Spain. A-and you probably need a sh-shoulder to cry on"

"Are you some kinda fucking funny guy? I don't need help!"

"P-Prussia says that every time"

"Yeah, but I bet you don't pull stupid-ass dumb moves out of your fucking ass like Tomato Bastard does!"

"W-what did he do?"

"H-He... and your bastard and Wine bastard found some girls a-and are going to... you know!"

"Oh"

Romano lifted himself off the pillow and stared at the man sitting on the floor.

"You don't give a fuck? What the hell!"

"W-well, not really. Th-they're drunk... or at least getting there. I-I can't control what mon ange does when he's drunk"

"UGH!"

"W-what? Oh, sh- did I speak f-"

"DON'T EVEN SAY IT! AND YES, YOU DID!"

"Maple... I-I-I'm sorry Romano"

The Italian flopped back on the couch, but never lost eye contact with th one in front of him.

"It's Lovino, fucktard. And you honestly don't care that they're going to do this act of total dumbfuckery?"

"N-not really... besides, knowing them i-"

Canada's phone started ringing. He picked it up, and it was Prussia.

"H-Hello?"

"Oh, Birdie thank Gott!"

"W-what's the matter, Gil?"

"Spain's having a fucking breakdown!"

"Why?" Canada put the phone on speaker.

"Because Romano's pissed at him and won't answer his calls... apparently the dumbass is so drunk he thought we were going to fuck these girls that we were talking to"

"W-well... Romano does have every right to be mad at S-Spain, then"

"Yeah, I know! The fucker shouldn't have drunk so much in the car... I'm not even tipsy yet, kesese!"

"S-so how bad is the breakdown?"

"He's rolling on the- WHAT THE FUCK ANTONIO!? He's crying and rolling on the floor and apparently wiping his nose on my shirt... this is not awesome in any way!"

"Um... get h-him a tomato?"

Romano spoke up. "Get the bastard on the phone. Now, fuckass!"

"And why shou-"

"G-Gil, please?"

"Fine. But only because you awesomely asked"

Spain was put on the phone and romano went to the kitchen to talk. After minutes of screaming, the Italian finally took a breath. He listened to the drunken attempts at appologising from Spain. More tears prickled his eyes. He wiped them, but as soon as they were gone, more came.

How could his bastard be so stupid? He promised they wouldn't do anythiung that stupid. But that promise had been made before and was broken before. It sounded like the only one totally wasted was Spain. Which meant there was no way the other two would be doing anything crazy for at least and hour. Romano just said 'fine' and gave the phone back to Matthew, figuring he would want to talk to his boyfriend. The Italian merely flopped on the couch again, trying unsuccessfully to stop the tears.

Matthew frowned at his guest. He said goodbye to his lover and grabbed a box of tissues. He sat down in front of his guest and handed the box to him. The box was swatted away. He rubbed the Italian's back, hoping to soothe him.

After a while, Lovino finally calmed down. He sat up and wiped his eyes, looking down at the Canadian on the floor. This bastard had seen him cry and actually helped him, instead of laughing at him. Pancake bastard was something else. He gave his new friend a small smile, which was answered by one of the biggest smiles he had ever seen. And he lived with Spain, for goodness sakes. That man smiled all the time!

"You know, you're not all that bad, pancake bastard"

"A-and you're not so bad yourself, Lovino"

"Mat, you got any gellato?"

"N-no, b-but I do have icecream"

"Get that. And get ready, because I will fucking kick your ass is snakes and ladders!"

Matthew smiled once again and walked to the kitchen. He grabbed the large tub of neapolitan icecrcream and two spoons. He saw that his new friend had set up the game, and had the dice ready in his hand. The rest of the night was sure to be interesting!

When Prussia and Spain got back to the house, they found their respective boyfriends passed out on the floor. There was an empty tub of icecream between them, and to their right was a game of snakes and ladders. Prussia chuckled despite the throbbing of his head. He turned to his friend and smirked.

"Antonio, I think last night went awesome for them!"

"Fusososo, I would have to agree with you there, amigo!"

The friends talking woke Canada up from his slumber. He looked to where Lovino was still sleeping and smiled. The blond sat up and stretched, feeling his bones crackle. He looked around for who was talking, and saw Spain and Prussia standing there. Matthew jumped up and took a flying leap at his lover. He wrapped his arms and legs securly around the Prussian, extremely happy to see him. The force from the jump knocked Gilbert into a wall, which woke Romano up.

"Pancake bastard, you tryin' to make the house fall down?"

"N-no... but S-Spain and Gil are back!"

Romano immediately sat up and saw Prussia standing with Canada firmly attached to his body. The Italian rolled his eyes and smiled a bit. He stretched and walked over to Spain, looking up at his boyfriend. He was clearly expecting an appology of some sort and Spain knew this.

"I am sorry Lovi! Hah, I guess I was very drunk last night, huh?'

"Sorry for what, exactly?"

"For dragging you h-"

"Stop right there, bastardo. It wasn't as shitty as I thoughit would be, but only by a little. If you go out drinking again, you are to leave me here with Mat- Pancake bastard. Got it, fuck face?"

"Oh, si! I promise to put you here when we go out drinking again!"

"That's an IF, damned bastard. You've still gotta make up for making me get all fucking emotional like stupid fratello"

"Si, si I will! We'll go home right now, Lovi! Say goodbye"

"Hmpf. Fine"

Matthew detached himself from his boyfriend and hugged Romano. The Italian was taken by surprise, but hugged back with one arm anyways. He did have fun, and maybe he wouldn't mind coming back on his own. Maybe.


End file.
